When I began my journey to become a celebrant, I knew I needed to sort out my wardrobe. Long gone were the days I'd only want to be seen in the latest trends and in my past work I either wore a uniform or a bit of smart casual. But somehow I instinctively knew I needed collection of smart suits, ties and shoes, not just because that's what celebrants wear, I just knew this would be important.
And its not about power dressing, "celebranting" isn't about having authority or self importance, its about all those values I hold dear, respect, compassion, trust. It's not just about how I scrub up for the ceremony, for funerals in particular that first planning meeting with a family sets the tone. I believe if a family see that I take care of myself and my appearance, then it reassures that I will take care of them just the same.
Dressing well on the day gives a quiet cue that - this moment matters, that those watching and listening are in safe hands long before I speak. Reliably calm and ready. Yes I always feel a little of those nerves before a ceremony, but there is something about putting my tie and jacket on that gives be a confidence boost, a switch from the Toby I am at home to Toby the celebrant ready to go "live on air".
I soon learned that dressing smart doesn't mean I lose my personality. My trendy glasses, choice of tie and top pocket handkerchief allows for a little of me to shine though. For weddings I always check what the happy couple are wearing and the brides maids too, more for clash prevention rather than to match, but it is good to blend with the chosen style, garden party or elegant tradition. For funerals more and more families are finding ways to add colour and personality to the ceremony, I'm often asked to wear my blue suit with a bright tie rather than my black three piece. Pink for mum, it was her favourite colour, bright yellow to reflect their sunny personality, and not forgetting Birmingham city blue for the lifelong footie fan.
When we dress with intention we show up, not just as professionals, but as guardians of the stories entrusted in us to tell.
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